Tara introduces Rossi and Prentis to her friend Rebecca who works for the DOJ. Rebecca used to work with Bailey, and has the details. She says that Doug is just using the BAU as a chess piece to get a promotion.

We see Rossi heat a Stouffer’s mac and cheese in the microwave. They tried to hide it from view, but I know a Stouffer’s mac and cheese when I see one, Erica, you can’t hide it from me.

Tying the knot will guarantee me front-row seats to the movie of your life. Don’t you want someone to change your diapers when you get old?

Jimmy tells the BAU that his friend Victor had some sort of cancer in “his man’s part.” But Jimmy was not taking the traditional western medicine route.

Don Sanderson is like, “I didn’t do it,” and Morgan is like, “YES YOU DID! And now that’s on me. I put a psychotic killer back on the streets”.

 Ruiz has created a cursory profile – apparently, he took an FBI Seminar on Serial Crime in Albuquerque – twice!

The BAU show up at the Hotbed for Sexual Predators in Jonestown, and they meet the property manager, who is so done with everyone, including the BAU. He sees the BAU show up and just goes “whoever did it- just take ‘em!”

The unsub watches the little girl walk, and another woman falls into pace with her walking behind her. He says “stunning” and she’s like “you think so?” and he’s like “No I think you’re an ugly little girl who has nothing to give to the world!”

We also see Wendell Bray from Bones? He’s the second in command? And I’m like??? He’s not an unsub. He’s a sweet boy! That’s Wendell Bray from Bones wearing eyeshadow to show that he’s edgy.

In Detroit, Devil’s Night has masks, costumes, and chaos. As they say in the show, think of mardi gras, but like, with vandalism and arson.

As the police officers finally escort the perp away, he turns to Nancy and goes: “Will I have to sleep in the same prison cell as him?” And Amber, coming in clutch, turns to her mom and goes: “If I take a bus to Uncle David’s and get lost, will I have to sleep in jail too?”

Two radically different MOs. and we have no idea how he controlled both of the couples. Additionally, they found evidence of handcuffs! Most shockingly, they found a used condom in both cases, and Viagra in the system of both husbands – even though neither of them had a prescription.

Sam is like “Fuck Jenny, she probably just wants to talk about a new dress she wants. Let’s go see some football.” We hear the voicemail message, and it turns out it is Jenny. And she has some alarming things to say.

And then he tries his luck and asks for a beer, to which she is like “nice try”, and then leaves. THIS IS WHEN I FREAK OUT BECAUSE I REALIZE THIS ACTOR IS MIKE NEWTON FROM THE TWILIGHT SERIES. 

JJ’s like “I’m not a hostage negotiator, actually I’ve never done anything like this at all” and I’m like GIRL SHUT UP. She’s like “you can tell I’m not a hostage negotiator” actually girl I didn’t until you kept BRINGING IT UP!

One, don’t smoke, it causes it cancer. Two, if you’re going to smoke, don’t waste cigarettes. And three- don’t litter! I’M ALREADY SO TRIGGERED AND WE’RE 2:00 IN.

The team has been invited to help because they have no idea what the MO is. The abduction sites were pristine; no DNA evidence or anything

And then she says to herself: “Right, ‘cause the homicidal maniac hiding in the shadows is really going to answer you.”

The dispatcher tells him he needs to stay on the line, and asks if he is sure the victim is dead, to which he says “he will be” lol.  We then hear a gunshot and see the officers rolling up to the location he had described. 

Hotch, Rossi and JJ call out to Deputy Boyd on the police radio and Hotch threatens him, and Boyd is like “You think you can find me? Come on out, it’s my desert.” And Rossi is like “Cocky little bastard”.