S2E20 - “Honor Among Thieves”
We open in Baltimore, Maryland. You know. Where The Wire takes place. We watch Sergei Chernus get out of a parked car in front of his house. He exits his car and is immediately jumped by two unmasked Russian attackers. Hell of a sentence with two many adjectives, but there you have it. Mr. Chernus is thrown into the bank of the unmasked Russian attacker’s van, and we kidnapped.
Cut to Quantico, VA, ever heard of it? Emily’s mother Ambassador Prentis is here and she’s got no time for your pedestrian small talk. She’s got two women in tow (we later learn they’re Mr. Chernus’ wife and daughter) and she demands to speak to Agent Prentis.
Cut to Special Agent Aaron’s Hotchner’s office, and Natalya Chernus’ (Mr. Chernus’ daughter) tells Hotch and Emily what happened to her father. We learn that the Chernus Women have not gone to the authorities yet, instead they went to Ambassador Prentis because one of their relatives knows her professionally? The kidnappers left a ransom note demanding 100k be wired to a bank account in Moscow by noon today. It’s currently 8:15. Hotch is like, woah there ladies, we have to go through the proper channels. And Ambassador Prentis is like, the fuck you just say to me? And Mrs. Chernus doesn’t speak English, but she’s feeling the vibe, and she gets upset and tells Natalya that this is pointless, the FBI isn’t going to help them. Natayla begs the BAU for help, says that her family does not have the 100k, and if they don’t wire the money, the kidnappers have threatened to send “another piece” every six hours. Hotch is like “another piece”? A Natayla stone cold pulls out a severed ring finger wrapped in what looks like parchment paper. She tells Hotch that it’s her father’s wedding ring.
Now… I’m gonna do something a little untraditional here because I honestly did not care for this episode. I’m gonna come right out and tell you that Natalya is one of the unsubs. She had her boyfriend Lyov kidnap her father because she’s poor and wants money. She wants to live high on the hog. She wants that kidnapper ransom money. And I cannot really decide whether I think the character is just poorly written, or the actress is not connecting to the part, but whatever it is, it’s obvious from the literal moment you meet here that she’s the unsub.
Number 1- Natalya Chernus tells us later that she was at home when her father was kidnapped. Her father SCREAMED at the top of his lungs. And she really didn’t notice? She waited to reach out to Ambassador Prentis until 8:15 the next morning after hearing her father screaming? Anyone’s gut reaction to hearing their father screaming late at night, no, screaming during any part of the day, would be to run out and find out what’s going on. Nextly- everyone knows that you gotta ice the dismembered body parts! If you don’t put them on ice immediately, you can’t reattach them. Bitch is carrying around her father’s finger in parchment paper putting like a goddamn deli sandwich! Bitch doesn’t care if the finger rots, bitch knows the finger ain’t gonna be reattached.
Anyways, the BAU puts the finger in a cooler and let’s Mrs. Chernus hold onto it. Even though it needs to be processed CSU unit. CSU Tech Agent Sharp is like: “We need to process this” and Natalya like’s “just give it to my mother, she’ll hold it for you” and even though that is a total breach of protocol Hotch is like, let Mrs. Chernus have the finger. CSU Tech Agent Sharp is like: “Okay SIR”. Hotch! The finger needs to be examined by the CSU! Protocol needs to be followed! How are we gonna get Mr. Chernus back if the BAU keeps letting dismembered body parts be held in coolers by potential suspects?? Also all the members of the BAU team are just standing around letting this happen and poor CSU Tech Agent Sharp has to be the voice of reason here? “Okay SIR!” Rolls her eyes and walks off.
The ransom note is in Russian, and Reid wants Natalya to translate the exact text so they can profile the unsub. Reid hands her the note to read, but Natalya just has the ransom note memorized???? BIG FUCKING RED FLAG THERE BUDDY. Reid is like “Why do you have this memorized” and Natalya is like… “I just do.” BUDDY! I cannot!!
Reid, Morgan, Gideon and Natalya get on the private jet to go to Baltimore. It’s a 25 minute flight. Love that we’re wasting tax payer money like that. They all go to the Chernus house where they meet up with Agent Cramer! Remember? From “Natural Born Killer?” With the serial killer who killed 100 men but no women?? He’s back to help. Cramer says that he doesn’t need to be briefed on the case because he’s already been working it for over a year. Cramer says that there have been a spat of kidnappings where victims have been returned missing fingers. No one will talk to the police, because most of the victims of these kidnappings are involved in organized crime themselves- The Russian Mob. However, the Chernus family is not involved in crime.
Morgan talks to Natalya in the Chernus house. We learn that Natalya had two brothers who died of diphtheria when she was young. She tells Morgan that her family has never recovered. She tells Morgan that her grandfather held a party job in Russia’s former Communist government. When communism fell, he was arrested, and her family fled to America. She tells Morgan that her family was smuggled out of Russia in delivery trucks.
Meanwhile, Agent Cramer tells Gideon and Reid about the “Thieves’ Code”. Gideon notices that one of the Chernus’ neighbors has been watching the FBI since they arrived. The neighbor’s name is Mr. Gorban, and he is missing a ring finger, meaning that he is a kidnapping victim as well. He refuses to tell Gideon anything and gets spooked when a car pulls up to Agent Cramer and local Mafioso Arsney Lysowsky shows up. Natalya yells at Lysowsky and demands to know where her father is. Morgan asks Natalya if she knows for certain that Lysowsky is responsible. And she says that she doesn’t, but because he’s the Big Bad in this area, he must be involved. Get it! Because she’s the unsub and she’s trying to throw the FBI off! However, she and Lysowsky speak in Russian, and he offers to help her. Natalya tells him that she’ll never accept his help.
Back in the Chernus house, Morgan profiles Natalya and tells her that she has a knockoff designer brand purse and shoes and that she’s not close with her family because three people live in the house and only two chairs are at the dining room table. Morgan tells Natalya that the FBI needs to know why the kidnappers chose to target the Chernus family, and Natalya is like idk fam, they just did. Also there was a fly flying around during this scene.
Meanwhile, Ambassador Prentis and Agent Prentis contact one of Ambassador Prentis’ contacts from the US Embassy in Russia. Their hope is that this contact will assist them in gaining access to information of the account holder whose account the Chernus’ are supposed to wire money into. Gregor Popovich tells Ambassador Prentis he can’t help. But then apparently Ambassador Prentis calls him back later and he helps? But this is off screen so idk what she says to talk him into it. Agent Cramer teaches Gideon and Reid about Russian Prison tattoos. And guys I just honestly don’t care enough to go into it. It’s not relevant at all.
Garcia does some deep dives on Lysowsky. She learns that he served 23 years in prison in a remote part of Russia. Also that he got married before he went to prison and his wife died two years later? We learn that he was born in 1940, and married Katya Fulenko in 1960, and then she did in 1962. So Lysowsky was 22 when his wife died?? That’s… super tragic! I care so much more about that story then this story. Also he is in America legally. We learn more about the Thieves’ Code- apparently you’re supposed to forsake all family because the thieves are your family? I just… don’t believe it. I’m halfway through my third rewatch of the Sopranos, so I’m basically a Mafia expert, and I don’t think it works like that. Mafia in the notes, go off!
Anyways, Mr. Chernus’ ear is delivered to Natalya by a random youth in the streets. She screams and panics, but whatever she’s the worst. Also the “kidnappers” have raised the ransom now to 500k and left a note in the box that says “say hello to the FBI”. Natalya locks herself in the bathroom and then takes off. Possibly she wraps her father’s ear in parchment paper, much as one would a good deli sandwich, and takes off in her car.
Cut to Lysowsky’s restaurant Little Kiev Reid says: “These tattoos are like books on their skin.” Also, Reid is about to get… real casual in the next few scenes. He’s wearing sunglasses, he looks great, he’s feeling-
Morgan and Reid meet with Lysowsky. He’s eating borsch and tells Gideon and Reid that they’ve gotta try the borsch. Lysowsky says: “It’s my mother’s old country recipe” and Reid says: “Didn’t you forsake all your relatives when you swore the thieves’ code?” And Lysowsky waits a beat and then says: “I didn’t forsake her recipes.” And Gideon’s like “I’d love a taste”. And we do see Gideon eating the borsch!
Just then Natalya shows up and tells Lysowsky that she wants his help. The FBI is- bamboozled. Morgan shows up at Little Kiev, I guess he just knew that Natalya was going to go there?? Natalya and Lysowsky drive off into the sunset. Morgan says: “What are we doin’? We’re just gonna let her go with him?” And Reid says: “What choice do we have, man?”
Also Natalya is now claiming nothing has happened, and the BAU realize that the only proof they have of the kidnapping is the missing ear and ice box finger. So they phone back to Quantico to check on the dismembered finger that Mrs. Chernus is supposed to be holding. We cut to the room with Mrs. Chernus and Hotch is just standing there. Like, he has not moved from the beginning of this episode. He has done no investigating. He’s just been hanging out with Mrs. Chernus who does not speak English. Also the finger is gone.
Cut back to the Chernus house- the Dream Team is all there- Morgan, Gideon, Reid, and Agent Cramer who has not said something in at least five minutes. Morgan searches the Chernus house and realizes that the trash hasn’t been taken out. He then realizes that Natalya is the unsub because apparently she told Hotch that she noticed her father’s car door was ajar when she took the trash out this morning. Kind of a… relevant conversation to include in this episode??? But we didn’t see this? Even though we saw the initial conversation that Natalya and her mother had with Hotch and Prentis?? They just left out this scene!!
Morgan is distressed that Natalya fooled him. He says: “How did I not see this coming” and Reid, iQ of 187 says: “How could any of us, Man? She sought us out.” Garcia hacks into the Russian bank account and finds out that the 500k has already been wired into the account. The FBI is like- but who wired the money? Turns out it was Lysowsky! Lysowsky wired the money. And the BAU is like, okay, so we know the Natalya is the unsub, why would she bring the FBI into this? And they’re like, oh, so she could get more money.
Cut to the kidnappers. Natalya’s boyfriend Lyov kills his co-kidnapper.
Cut to the BAU in Little Kiev. Lysowsky tells Gideon and Morgan that he paid all of the ransoms because his son, Lyov, is the kidnapper. Now- stay with me. Lysowsky figured out that the kidnapper was his son ages ago. But he let him go on kidnapping community members and former criminals, because he figured, eh, what’s 100k here and there? I can pay the money! Lysowsky did not raise his son because of the Thieves’ Code, and we already know that Lyov’s mother died when he was very young. So Lyov was raised by ??? And grew up resenting his father?? But the 100k here and there wasn’t enough, Natalya want that money money. So she and Lyov decide to make one last big score (the 500k) and take off into the sunset. And his father now feels guilty and is paying him off in blood money?? But now Lysowsky realizes that he can’t fix his broken relationship with his son and that the kidnapping has gone too far, so he’s going to have his son and Natalya killed.
Cut to Natalya saying goodbye to her father as he’s still tied up in the meat locker. She says: “I’m sorry Papa. I couldn’t do it anymore… living in that house with my brothers hanging over everthing. The sadness and the struggle. YOU BROUGHT US HERE SO WE COULD HAVE THINGS AND WE HAVE NOTHING! WE’RE NOTHING! I NEED MORE!” Iconic. Anyways, Lyov and Natalya are killed by Lysowsky’s men. Chernus is released. But not before learning that his daughter is a bitch.
We close with a Leo Tolstoy quote: “Happy families are all alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in it’s own way.”
Rating Criteria:
Criminal/serial killer: 3/20
Forensics/context: 3/20
Character development/character arcs: 3/20
Script writing: 3/20
Background characters: 3/20
Overall: 15/100