S5E7 - “The Performer”

Picture this. It’s 2009. You’re wearing arm warmers. You just discovered The Smiths and have no idea that Morrissey is a racist fucktard. You’re not like the other girls. Are you here with me? Good.

We open on a performance of “Love Will Tear Us Apart” as covered by pseudo goth drama queen and performer Dante. The actor playing Dante is Gavin Rossdale, who was the lead singer of both Bush and Institute. He is, admittedly, a good singer, but as a Former Goth, I can tell you that this cover is not truthful to the original or to Goth/New Wave music as a whole. Performers of this style of music either shriek in a high falsetto at the top of their lungs and have tall hair a la The Cure or Echo & The Bunnymen, or simply talk the lyrics in a monotone gloomy, over dramatic voice, a la Bauhaus and the original band that wrote this song, Joy Division.

Anyways, the fans are going wild because I guess they aren’t true Goths like I am. Dante’s really feeling the music. There are sparklers. The music stops and Dante immediately dramatically drops his mic and walks off stage. He’s hurried backstage by his manager Ray who corrals him past tons of horny fans and to his dressing room. There Dante promptly slams the door shut in Ray’s face, takes a sip of whiskey and throws the bottle at a mirror, and proceeds to slip into a drunken stupor where he keeps looking at this teeth, which we se are pointed much like a vampires. Girl are you here with me yet?

Cut to outside- we’re watching two Goth girls, Tara and Gina, about to walk home. A Goth boi named Ted or Ed tries to walk them home, and they brush him off. We follow home one of the Goth girls, Tara Faris, who arrives home and begins taking off her combat boots, only to hear a knock at the door. She answers it and then is attacked by someone we can’t see.

We cut to BAU Headquarters in Quantico VA, and JJ is presenting Tara’s case. We learn that Tara was the third victim in two weeks to be murdered in LA. All three bodies were found on freeway off ramps by passing motorists. There are no signs of sexual abuse, but all three victims were severely hypovolemic, meaning that they had very little blood in their bodies. All victims were strangled and bled out through identical wounds in their throat, which look like bite marks. All the wounds on the victims were covered in human saliva. As though someone drank their blood. Tara also has a message written in blood on her arm: “The Liar”.  Prentis points out how “the” is specific. Not “A” liar. “THE” liar.

Cut to the BAU private jet. We’re heading back to LA- remember the last time we were in LA? When Reid smooched that stalking victim Lila in her pool and then told her that her manager was just murdered? We’re going to be meeting back up with Sexy Detective Owen Kim, who was lead detective on that case as well. JJ asks Reid if he ever talks to Lila anymore and he’s like: “I think we should focus on this case right now, it’s a little more pertinent.”

Reid also tells us that “Human blood consumption or clinical vampirism is known as Renfield’s syndrome. Named after the insect-eating character in Bram Stoker’s novel ‘Dracula’.” Garcia then tells us the there’s a huge subculture in LA where people pretend to be vampires. Morgan asks if the people involved in this subculture actually drink blood and she states no but says “they mostly just dress up like Prentiss did in high school and play make believe.”

Cut to LA- we’re watching Ray creep through a dark house. We realize that the house belongs to Ray’s client- Ian Curtis wannabe Dante. Ray wakes up Dante, who is fast asleep next to a bag of coke, and then tells Ray that he’s sick. Ray is like “Dante, you’re late.” And Dante goes: “Man, don’t call me that.” They bicker like a married couple. Dante is scheduled to go to a record release party, and he doesn’t want to go. Ray finally convinces him that he has to go, and Dante is like “Do I have to go as him” And Ray is like “yeah man, you do.” He then offers to make Dante something to eat and Dante is like “I’m not hungry”.

Cut to LAPD headquarters, and we’re reunited with Sexy Detective Owen Kim, who is still sexy, but has longer hair now. Hotch has to tell Sexy Detective Kim that Morgan is now in charge, and there’s an awkward moment, but Sexy Detective Kim is like “alright”. JJ and Reid work together to try to find a connection between the victims. Reid points out that: “Vampirists become obsessed, they aren’t likely to find a random victim.” Idk fam, like, where is this coming from? Where are the studies specifically stating this? One of the other victims, a girl named Gina King, had classes with Tara at the local college.

Cut to the record launch party. Dante is flown in on a helicopter. He kind of gives the crowd a lil Queen wave. Ray introduces Dante to a guy named Jeff from Metal Life magazine (again, this is the third Jeff of the season). Dante is pretty rude to Jeff. Jeff asks Dante what it’s like to be a vampire / goth. And Dante says that the allure of vampires appeals to: “desperate, sad people with at best a tenuous hold on reality.” And Jeff is like “Wow, can I quote you on that?” Dante then goes to sulk and drink hard liquor and contemplate things on a balcony. He is clearly depressed and very done with the Dante persona. He says to Ray: “Maybe I should just jump off, I am a vampire. Maybe I can just fly away.” And Ray is like: “I don’t like that talk.” Dante mocks him by saying: “What’s wrong Ray? Afraid you’re gonna lose your cash cow?”

Dante then crashes into a caterer and knocks over her plate of drinks. As he’s helping her up and he notices that she has a needle mark on her hand. He introduces himself to her by saying: “Do you know who I am” and She’s like “You’re the music guy” and he goes: “I’ve got a pocket full of what will make us both feel so much happier.” They then walk off together.

Cut to Tara Faris’ apartment. Prentis and Rossi find a shrine that Tara has erected in her apartment to honor Dante. There’s a big picture of him with vampire teeth and pictures of her with her goth friends. Prentis and Rossi then open Tara’s computer. And Prentis says: “If you want to look into a young girl’s life today, you have to access her Myspace, Facebook and Twitter accounts.”  Meanwhile, at the ME, Hotch and Morgan are told by the medical examiner that the marks on the victims are not bite marks as the marks are precise, from some sort of instrument.

Back at LAPD headquarters, Garcia hacks into Tara’s laptop- apparently the password was CULLEN. Reid goes “colon?” and JJ goes “CULLEN. The Vampire family from Twilight.” And Reid goes: “What’s Twilight?” She also teaches Reid what a “BFF” is, because she mentions how Tara and her best friend Gina ran a superfan site for Dante. I guess because Reid is the resident vampire expert, he’s going to present the profile to the rest of the team and the LAPD. Reid tells JJ that he is not ready to give the profile, and then JJ calls Morgan and is like “Reid is ready to give the profile!”

Meanwhile, another body has been found. It’s the body of the lady caterer from Dante’s party, and she’s been killed in the same way that the other three girls were killed. Her name was Erin Hickman. Hotch, Morgan, Prentis, Rossi and Sexy Detective Kim are on the scene. The same message has been written on this girl, “The Liar”.

THE PROFILE

  • We aren’t looking for a vampire in the supernatural sense, only in the sense that this unsub has a very strong desire, a need for human blood

  • Fortunately, vampirists display several characteristics which will be helpful in finding him.

  • He will have cut himself repeatedly- it’s called auto vampirism. Essentially becoming his own first victim.

    • It’s the way by which he first tasted human blood.

    • Most vampirists are incredibly ashamed of this and will wear long-sleeved shirts in order to conceal it

  • Secondly, there will be a long history of animal abuse. Starting with smaller animals such as insects and rodents, and then working his way up to larger things- dogs and cats.

    • Though this is a well-recognized component of the homicidal triad seen in other serial killers, in the case of the vampirist, it’s more pronounced.

    • There will, interestingly enough, not be any animal torture, as with other psychopathologies. The killing isn’t the point, it’s merely a means by which to obtain the blood.

    • Look hard at your animal control sections records, as far back as you can. They will probably have some record of this unsub as an adolescent.

  • This guy also most likely lives in a poorly kept older home.

    • He needs a house for privacy, not an apartment. It takes some time to drain a body completely of blood. Uninterrupted time.

  • This unsub also most likely lives with an elderly woman- a grandmother, a mother, even an aunt.

    • This type of mental illness accompanied by extreme schizophrenia, dominates a family’s entire existence. It often leads to a broken home and a woman ends up as the primary caregiver. The men generally leave.

  • This type of disorder cannot be hidden for long. Someone out there already knows this unsub is very, very sick.

Cut to Dante at his house, vomiting in the sink. Ray is there, confused and worried, asking Dante what’s going on. He tells Ray that he can’t stop, and asks Ray to help him, and Ray holds him and says “We’re gonna fix this, okay?”

Back at LAPD headquarters- Sexy Detective Kim tells the BAU that Erin Hickman, the victim from last night, worked for a caterer. The BAU later learns that she catered Dante’s record launch party, which helps the BAU zero in on Dante himself. We also learn that Dante’s new album is called THE LIAR!! All of the victims were die-hard fans of the musician.

The BAU goes to visit Dante, whose real name is Paul Davies. Prentis, Morgan and Sexy Detective Kim drive up to his house, which is not older or poorly maintained. Kim questions the authenticity of the profile, but we don’t hold that against him, as he is, as I’ve said before- Very Sexy. Prentis points out that Davies is “probably not our unsub, just a piece of the puzzle.” Davies’ house is very ugly imo. But they do find Erin Hickman’s car parked on his property.

Dante greets the BAU outside of his house and Detective Kim goes: “Dante?” And Dante goes: “No.” And Detective Kim is like: “Are you not the singer?” And Dante goes: “It’s not my name. It’s a character I play.”  They quickly bring him in for questioning, and of course, the news is all over the story. The BAU put Dante into an interrogation room, and they’re questioning the accuracy of the profile. Because Dante doesn’t fit their profile AT ALL. Prentis tells us that Dante was arrested for DV 10 years ago, but his record was expunged. TRASH.

Prentis is gonna take the lead, Morgan suggests that she ask Dante for his autograph. Prentis goes in and tells him to relax, and Dante is immediately freaking out and stating that he’s innocent. Exactly how the REID METHOD taught us innocent suspects will react- immediately proclaim their innocence. Dante tells Prentis that he’s been trying to get in touch with his manager, and Prentis is like- these interrogation rooms have no cell service. Prentis then tells Dante that he doesn’t belong in the room, and introduces herself. She goes “Of course, I know who you are. I’m a… big fan.” And he’s like “Really?” And she asks him to sign his autograph. And he’s like “What the hell is this? You’re no fan of mine!”

Prentis then switches tactics and shows Dante pictures of the two latest victims. Dante is very disturbed by the images and tells Prentis that he can’t remember.

Meanwhile, JJ, goes to interview Tara’s BFF Gina. The rest of the team is working with Dante, but JJ’s like, welp, I’m here at her house. I might as well talk to her. And instantly we see that it is an older, run down house.

Back at LAPD Headquarters- Prentis is still questioning Dante. They have a back and forth which culminates in Prentis going “ARE YOU A VAMPIRE MR. DAVIES” and him going “It’s just an act” And she goes: “Well, sometimes things get out of hand.” PRENTIS WHAT??? However, Dante continues to assert his innocence. And he asks for his manager and states that he has the right to a lawyer, and wants his manager so that his manager can get him a lawyer. Prentis storms out, and just then Hotch gets a call from the ME- the saliva found on the victims, was female. Reid is like- that’s incredibly rare. Morgan tells Reid to go back over the profile and work it as if the unsub is a woman, to find out how it effects the profiling.

Cut back to Gina’s house. JJ knocks on the door and Gina answers, and she is clearly not in a good metal state. She runs off inside the house, which is a hoarder house, and JJ follows her. JJ is clearly not remembering the profile here, because, the alarm bells should be going off right now.

Back at LAPD headquarters, Dante calls Ray, Ray is HYPED and tells Dante that the record is selling off the shelves. Dante is like “Ray, I’m at the police station.” And Ray goes, “Don’t worry man- nothing can be tied to you.” And Dante is like ??? “What did you do Ray?” And we see Ray driving, and he pulls up in front of Gina’s house, where we know JJ is inside.

JJ follows Gina through the hoarder house and into a hoarder backyard where she sees Gina putting Tupperware containers of blood into coolers. JJ is like- Gina, what’s going on? Even though it’s obvious that Gina is putting Tupperware containers of blood into a cooler? Honestly this is the dumbest writing I’ve ever seen- JJ is so smart and always so aware of what’s going on, and these fucking writer are really trying to make us believe that she wouldn’t instantly be like- oh, Gina is the unsub. Obviously. JJ is then hit over the head and knocked unconscious by Ray. Ray is like, Gina- what the hell is going on?

Back at LAPD headquarters- everyone realizes that Gina is the unsub. They try to call JJ and she doesn’t pick up, and they rush over. Meanwhile, JJ is concussed, and she’s hearing snippets of the conversation that Ray and Gina are having. Ray is trying to convince Gina to kill JJ, he keeps telling her that if she kills JJ she can join Dante in the undead. She protests, but finally agrees, anything for Dante. Just then, JJ hits Ray from behind and knocks him unconscious. He’s bleeding, and Gina rushes over to start drinking his blood.

Just then the BAU shows up to arrest Gina. And Gina is FREAKING OUT. Ray is okay, he’s also taken into custody. Back at LAPD headquarters, Prentis releases Dante and tells him that Ray has been taken into custody. Dante asks if there’s anything he can do to help Ray and Gina. He tells Prentis: “You know, all I really ever wanted to do was write music. I’m not sure when that stopped being enough.”

Rating Criteria:

  • Criminal/Serial Killer: 20/20

  • Character development/ character arcs: 20/20

  • Forensics/Context: 20/20

  • Script writing: 19/20

  • Background characters: 20/20

Overall: 99/100

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S5E8 - “Outfoxed”

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S5E6 - “The Eyes Have It”