S16E3 - “Moose”
We open on- the BAU in hot pursuit of an unsub! A man running on foot, carrying a foot locker, hurtling through the woods. JJ and Luke pursue him on foot, officially making it the sexiest foot pursuit in television history. The unsub shoots and narrowly misses JJ, and he runs to an access road where a getaway car is waiting. The unsub tries to drive off, but the police box him in. JJ specifically tells the local police not to box the unsub in, that he needs to be taken alive. And as we already know, when these unsubs gets cornered, Daddy Voit instructs them to commit death by suicide. Unfortunately, the unsub shoots himself, utterly obliterating the BAU’s chances at taking him into custody and pumping him for information. All they’re left with is a kill kit.
Cut to Seattle, Washington. Aka- where Fifty Shades of Grey takes place. We’re at… Daddy Voit’s mid-century modern house. We’re in the backyard, watching his daughter Harlow absolutely fail at basketball. Daddy is prancing around the court like a goddamn gazelle and Harlow goes: “I’m never gonna get it.” And Daddy is supportive and he goes: “Don’t say that. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere. Just gotta practice.” Also- Harlow is a Stone Cold Killer, she drops some one-liners that are straight-up punches to the gut in a few minutes.
Mommy Voit comes out and is like, “we have to go.” She’s going to take the kids to school and go do her regular MILF activities. Also- Jen pointed out that this actress (whose name is Kiele Sanchez is actually married to the actor who plays Daddy Voit, Zach Gilford, in real life). So that’s super cool. In the end, Harlow gets the ball in a basket and then runs inside. Or, the creators of the show want us to think she gets it in, because we don’t actually see her make the shot, just a cut to the ball going in the basket before she leaves.
Dramatic music swells, and we see Daddy Voit shoot, and the shot cuts to the ball going in the basket. I get it. But like… c’mon guys.
Inside the Mid Century Modern house up in the hills of Seattle, probably only minutes from Escala. Kids Hollie and Harlow are getting ready for school. Harlow seems to be eleven or twelve, older sister Hollie is in her late teens. Harlow has a big basketball game tonight at her school, and she complains that one of her team mate’ mothers is bringing the team snacks. She says: “I hate it when Wendy’s parents bring snacks. It’s always orange slices because they’re poor.” Both Daddy and Mommy Voit admonish this, and Daddy specifically says: “Hey! You know who’s not rich? Us!” Hollie comes downstairs, looking for her phone. And we get another one-liner from Hollie: “Maybe you left it next to Brianne’s vape pen at the party last night.”
Mommy and Daddy Voit are like – WHAT? But I think this is actually a really good family dynamics moment. Instead of yelling at Hollie for sneaking out and vaping, Daddy is like- Harlow, give your sister back her phone. Then both Mommy and Daddy give Hollie a chance to explain herself. She says “yes there was vaping, but I didn’t do it!” After both girls go to the car, the parents talk, and they start bashing vegans. Mommy leaves (unsure what her job is, but she and the girls will not be home until 6.)
We learn that Daddy Voit is kind of a traveling salesman/ tech infostructure guy. They actually call his job a “sales engineer” later. Mommy Voit asks him to check out the autopay on the water bill saying that there’s something wrong with it again. Daddy then logs onto a bank account, and we see that they have a balance of -1243.47. So, clearly they are living above their means, and Daddy is keeping up the façade of their finances being okay. Daddy tries to transfer money from another account and is denied.
While this is happening, the neighbors knock on his door. We meet Hal and Chad, no last name as per IMDB. Chad is the same age as Hollie, and he is selling magazine subscriptions to fund his sports team. He asks Daddy to buy some, and Daddy is like, “actually I get my news online.” And then Chad’s father, Hal, who is this tough, macho guy. He says, “We talked about this son. You’ve got to assert yourself.” Then when Chad does not assert himself, Hal turns to Daddy says: “Buy magazines. What are you looking for? Good Housekeeping? Just pick the one with the football phone and move on!” We see Daddy smack Hal and then start clobbering him with a rock, but then we realize that this is just Daddy fantasizing. Because, obviously, he can’t kill Hal- Hal is his neighbor.
Daddy gets a kill kit ready, and this one has a lot of the same stuff as before but a lot of different types of rope in it. Daddy uses the phone in the kill kit, which, again, is not a high-tech phone. It’s like a Nokia phone. And he has somehow installed all this fancy camera software onto it. Unsure how one does that with a weak ass phone. But, okay, Erica. So we see that Daddy has taken Moose, remember, Moose the goofball? Tawny from the hardware store, her dog, Moose! The goofball? Anyways, Daddy has kidnapped him and is now torturing him.
Cut to BAU Headquarters In Quantico, VA. Tara and her girlfriend Rebecca discuss taking the next step in their relationship. Rebecca’s commute is long, and she tells Tara that she envies her easy commute. Rebecca then tells Tara that she’s considering giving up her place in the city and moving down closer to Quantico. Tara is like, “but what happens when you go back to DOJ?” And Rebecca was like, “Idk who cares can I move in?” Tara is like, “Here I thought I was just geographically convenient.” And Rebecca tells Tara she doesn’t want to pressure her, and Tara is like, “I’ll think about it.”
We then get- my favorite performance of episode 3. As Tara is walking to the BAU conference room, she runs into Imelda Gomez, who asks Tara if they have identified any of the 16 bodies yet. Tara is dismissive and tells Imelda to go back into the family room, and Imelda says: “My daughter has been missing since 2007. I have been waiting in the family room with all these people for hours now.”
We cut to the BAU offices- JJ and Garcia are talking about the unknown person (Anon412) who sent Garcia the launch codes to where all the foot lockers are. You could call this person… Garcia’s CI. We move to the round table in the conference room, and Garcia is about to tell everyone about the time the hotdog filter went on the fritz at SOAR, but instead- they talk about the big case- Sicarius.
Garcia found a hidden message app on all the unsubs phones, it’s hidden behind a fake weather app. This helped her identify a discussion forum that all the unsubs used to communicate. Daddy Voit is a member of this platform, and he’s kind of a celebrity. All the unsubs who the BAU has identified seemed to look up to Daddy, and wanted to impress him so that he would mentor them. While Garcia explains this, Rossi calls Daddy Voit a “fuckhead” and Garcia struggles with wanting to curse, not wanting to curse, it’s very sweet.
We then cut to Prentis and Deputy Director Doug. Prentis is showing Doug the progress they’ve made so far. The coordinates Garcia located helped the BAU identify 13 kill kits. The BAU has 10, but were unable to recover 3. And Deputy Doug goes: “Okay. So there are only three killers left. And they’re all going to die by suicide. How is this a big deal” Prentis is like, “This is a big deal because every killer gives us a chance to identify Daddy Voit. When they die, that lead goes away.” Deputy Doug goes: “What you’re describing sounds remarkably like a terrorist cell, have you considered bringing anti-terrorism in?” Prentis is like “please no,” and Doug goes “a public demonstration of strength would make people feel safe” and she goes “but that wouldn’t make them safe. Domestic terrorism would lay all our cards out on the table to the public.” Doug goes: “Agent Prentis- if I’m going to make your case to the director, he’ll need to know that the right resources are being used.” He tells her he will hold off the brass as long as he can.
Back with the Voits- Harlow won her basketball match, and Hollie has been accepted into Braxton Academy, a private school. Daddy Voit is like- fuck.
Back with the BAU- we learn more about the social media site the unsubs have been using. There are 558k members, so the BAU will have a hard time narrowing everything down. They know three unsubs have kill kits, but they don’t know which unsubs those are. However, Garcia has identified the three unsubs who have died by suicide so far- Robert Harris, Rory Gilcrest, and Sam Pollard (who died earlier in this episode). White man, brown hair combo!
So Robert’s user profile is “Ript4u,” and we see under “tips” he wrote, “looking for a sleeping agent/paralytic. Something fast acting.” Rory’s username is “not_daryl.” And his says, “serious question” “has anyone tried a break-in? I think…” Finally, Sam is PoisonPill. He also has a “serious question”: “how much poison does it take to kill? But be undetectable…”
They each chatted with “User45125” (Daddy voit). His user profile tips say “when you feel anger taking over, don’t give in. Hold it. Let it grow. It will come in handy soon enough.” His “confession” “I was not born this way. Someone saw what I could become and nurtured the beast insided (spelling error)”. And more “tips” “you never know who to trust. So trust no one.” And another “Serious question” “Have you ever looked into yourself? I mean into your very soul, and found nothing but a black pit staring back?”
User45125 has been giving lots of advice to people. Garcia has been trying to track who this user has been talking to because the BAU correctly identifies him as Daddy. The direct messages are going through a different server that Garcia cannot track, but she is going to cross-reference anyone that User45125 chatted with publicly. Except when she looks into that, there are 17,1331 matches. She says, “this stack contains the three unsubs with kill kits and my informant.”
Back with Daddy, he’s asking his boss Cameron for more work. Cameron then tells Daddy that he’s fired. Daddy is so upset because this lost in income is going to impact his family. And no one messes with his family!
Outside, Hollie talks to Chad about the fact that she got into Braxton. Unfortunately, Hal listens in on the conversation and tells Chad, in front of Hollie, that the reason Hollie got was because Braxton Academy was trying to “diversify”. Hal says: “There’s no place for a clean-cut all-American kid anymore. They’re all looking for the weirdos. Orchestra, bird watching, the alternative, whatever.” And Hollie says: “You know, equality just means an even playing field, right?” And Hal gets up from his chair, beer in hand and goes: “You be careful little girl, the world can seem awfully simple at your age.” Daddy intervenes, but not before Hollie calls Hal a “sad drunk”. Also, the actor who plays Hal, is really holding his beer terribly. Like, the liquid would be everywhere, it’s up, it’s down, it’s sideways. Hal calls Daddy a “Beta cuck” and challenges Daddy, but Daddy walks away.
Super hot wife Bridget goes, “what a jerk, somebody should do something about that guy.” Then she hugs Daddy and says, “I’m so glad you’re not that somebody.”
Daddy goes back to his Daddy zone and calls a user named “twiceshy”. They’ve been chatting, and Daddy has several messages from “twiceshy”. They say “Call me! Urgent” “I know it was you. Call” “Call NOW! It’s my turn!” ‘Where are you?” “Call me right away”. Which is eerily similar to what texts from my husband look like if I don’t pick up right away when he calls. Daddy calls Twiceshy and tells him that he needs to be patient, and that it’s not his turn yet. Twiceshy says that he has a kill kit and is ready to go. “You told me if I gave you money, I could cut the line.” Daddy is concerned about the fact that his protégées are not following the rules, and he tells Twiceshy to wait while he cleans up loose ends. Daddy tells Twiceshy to send him more money, and Daddy will move him to the top of the list. But top of the list does not mean next, because Daddy has already set the next unsub into motion.
Back with the BAU, JJ and Garcia are still going through the 17k users who interacted with Daddy. We get some more great screenshots from the forum. Ript47 wrote, “Cripple the world. (red text)I want to PARALYZE the WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!! (black text) Then they’ll start to know what it’s like… maybe. Love can bring us together?... fuck that. Pain is the great unifier. (red text) THE WORLD UNITED! (blue writing) All these lemmings walking around everywhere, every day, unknowing, uncaring. Getting groceries… going to the movies… heading to the bank. Everyone I pass by is just going about their lives light on their feet… (red text), carrying nothing. (Blue text) These bitches think they’ve got it all figured out. Walking on a cloud of happy thoughts and unicorn farts.
Not_daryl wrote “(red text) stay asleep… cause I’m coming inside. (black text) I’m there to record your last breaths. How’s that for security? Makes me laugh how these families think they live in a fortress when in reality, they’re wrapped in cellophane. Any time I pass through one of those cushy fairytale suburbs with those signs out front that say (blue text) ‘this house is protect by Blah Blah Blah Security system’ (black text) It’s like they’re bragging bout it to the whole neighborhood. (red text) Makes me want to snip the phone lines, cut the power…”
Garcia says, “it’s not just fan fiction. It’s creepy auditions.” Garcia (again, doing the work) identifies that Daddy Voit gave each unsub a specific kill kit that fit their fantasy. A cellphone jammer for RJ (goggles/ not_daryl) and poison for PoisonedPill. She says, “but here’s the rub,” and points out that some of Daddy’s kits were in the ground for ages. So, he’s picking trainees based on kits that he has already buried. “Selecting the killer to fit the kit.”
JJ has a eureka moment. Remember the dead bodies in the storage container? Remember how they were all killed in different ways? She wonders if Daddy used these victims as “test subjects” for different kill methods. Meaning that they can identify the causes of death for each victim in the storage container and assume that there is a kill kit representing each death. We have 16 victims and only 13 known kill kits, so there will be some room for error. But they can at least narrow down the potential murder methods, and then identify users who interreacted with Daddy on the social media website who have sent him proposals for specific methods of murder.
From there- it’s easy. Acid, strangulation, and fire are the only kill methods represented in the storage container that are not represented in a kill kit that the BAU already has.
Back in Seattle, Mommy and Daddy are still talking about Hal. Mommy says, “What happened to the guy I married who could let everything roll off his back”. Daddy is stressed (Hal, money, being the head of an international crime organization). So Mommy is like “I know what will get your mind off of it” and opens her robe to reveal sexy lingerie. But Daddy is too stressed for sex! She says “Talk to me. It scares me when you get quiet.” He tells her that he “has to work some stuff out” and you can see that she is disappointed that they aren’t going to do the tango as my friend calls it.
Daddy shoots some hoops outside but eventually goes onto his app. Twiceshy has sent him more money. Daddy then gets a text from User011051, who tells Daddy that he has the kit. I don’t mean to assume gender here, but we later learn that this person is someone who identifies as a man, thus the gendering. Daddy makes plans to watch the unsub do his thing tomorrow at 4pm. We see User011051 open his kit, and it’s clear it’s a bomb.
The BAU narrows down the suspect pool, and identifies a user named “Notorious,” who has submitted proposals to the unsub regarding blowing people up. In his posts, he refers to “the client” a lot, and Rossi is like- oh, he’s a veteran with PTSD. Garcia asks Rossi to elaborate, and he says, “I just know.” Garcia tries to get into the DOD’s database, which she previously had access to, but apparently, the DOD patched a firewall she told them about years ago. So Tara has to call super hot girlfriend Rebecca at the DOJ for help.
Rebecca comes through immediately because she’s the best. She tells the BAU about Tyler Green, who served two tours in Afghanistan working military intelligence. His job was to lure enemy targets into the kill zone and report back. Apparently, drone pilots and spotters refer to their assignments as being sent from “the customer” (CIA, etc). After several reprimands for drug use and refusal to follow orders, Green was given a dishonorable discharge from service after he started publishing videos of the aftermath of missile strikes online.
We cut to- the Ronald Reagan National Airport (ew). Daddy has arrived!! He gets in a taxi. He’s headed to Allaband Park in Washington, DC. This is not the real name of the park, btw.
Back with the BAU- Deputy Director Doug is losing his mind. He says, “you’re talking about a disgruntled vet, potentially with an incendiary device, in our nation’s capital. If that doesn’t qualify for domestic terrorism, what does?” Rossi goes, “typical bureaucratic bullshit. While the BAU is doing all the real work, you try starving us to death. And when we’re on the five-yard line, you show up to take credit for the touchdown.” Doug is like, “it’s your call.” Prentiss asks for a joint task force, because she correctly identifies that they do need help from Deputy Doug. And Rossi is PISSED, but like… Doug is right. Again.
Garcia tracks Tyler Green’s phone to Allaband Park where children are playing on a playground. Luke and JJ are on the ground, ready to tackle him. Meanwhile, Daddy hurries to the park, as Tyler Green is now promising “fireworks.” The tactical team gets ready, and JJ tells the DT Commander that he can’t march his men out into the open wearing their riot gear, as this will spook the unsub and cause him to set off his IED. The commander is like- don’t worry JJ, we’re gonna take Tyler out with a snipper. JJ is like no my dude, we need him alive so we can interrogate him. And the DT is like- bestie, there are CHILDREN in that park.
So JJ and Luke take off and are going to apprehend the unsub themselves. Meanwhile, back at BAU headquarters, Rossi, Tara, Prentiss, and Doug are watching everything play out. The BAU is pissed at Doug that there is a sniper, and he’s like, “THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THAT PARK! Would you rather me not have a contingency plan?”
Allaband Park is very nice, there are pillars with tile mosaics. We watch Tyler enter the park, and JJ and Luke hurry after him. The DT team reports back to Deputy Doug and tells him that they can’t take out the unsub now, as there are FBI agents in the park. Doug is like, “Emily, wtf? Call them back.” Prentiss just goes, “it’s not my call.” Doug turns to Rossi and threatens to relieve him of his role as BAU team leader, and Rossi goes, “excellent, I never wanted it in the first place.” Doug goes, “if that man has a bomb and those agents die, this is on you.”
JJ distracts Tyler, and then Luke blitz-attacks him and knocks him over, but they can’t find a detonator. Meanwhile, Daddy stands at the Allaband park gates, and just, watches what’s going on. Then he walks off.
Deputy Director Doug holds a press conference and takes credit for everything. Which is very Frat Boy of him. The BAU is pissed, especially because Deputy Doug threatens Daddy Voit and says, “there’s no place you can hide, the long arm of justice will find you.”
After the press conference, Deputy Director Doug has a harsh conversation with Prentis. She tells him that the BAU singlehandedly caught Tyler Green (which is not true- it was really a combination of Garcia and Rebecca from DOJ). Doug says, “in the process, the BAU violated all trust I have for this unit.”
He requests that Prentis install a new team leader who reports directly to him. He tells Prentis that he knows that Rebecca used her power to get them records from DOD. But Prentis has an ace up her sleeve- she’s like- I’m in charge of all staffing decisions. I’m making myself the new team leader. And Doug goes- great. Now you’ll be working two jobs at once, and I can fire you if you fuck up. Prentis is like yeah, it’s gonna be great, and then I’m gonna fire you, Doug! Dougy, I’m gonna get YOU fired! It’s great acting by both these actors. The hatred chemistry is… so good.
We cut to Daddy Voit in the car, watching Dougy’s press conference. He then gets a call from someone named “Sidney”. But we think it’s his wife, because he calls her “honey” and she asks how his day went. But notice how he doesn’t ask about the kids and then they hang up after two seconds. It’s not his wife. Sidney asks about his work, and Daddy says: “The new guy fumbled the installation, it just goes to show, if you want something done right, you just gotta do it yourself.”
Back in the main conference room, Tara and Rebecca have a conversation. Rebecca has gotten in trouble for sharing confidential information from DOD to the BAU. She had to have an uncomfortable conversation with US district attorney. I assume this is Jessica Aber, who is the US district attorney for Virginia, but I could be wrong. But Rebecca doesn’t care. She’s in love with Tara and goddamnit, they’re sending her back to the city BUT SHE DOES NOT CARE SHE DID IT FOR LOVE. Tara’s like- fuck it. Move in with me.
This cute conversation is cut off when the BAU is called back into action. Apparently, Tyler Green neutralized the kill kit so that it would not go off, and he tapped into the security cameras at the park. He’s Garcia’s CI! He’s her confidential informant. He was trying to catch Daddy Voit on camera. Tyler’s sister went missing 15 years ago. Tara interrogates him about his sister, he searched for her for 10 years and then stopped. Almost as if he figured out what happened to her. “You know what I think, based on your behavior, I think you figured out who killed her. You didn’t join that network, you infiltrated that network to find Sicarius. Tyler, are we on the same time?” And Tyler looks at her, and he goes, “You people. Ruined. Everything!”
Cut to- Daddy Voit in Whitfield County, GA. He has kidnapped someone and tied them up in. what looks like another storage container. He kidnaps this guy because the guy looks like his neighbor Hal. In fact, this actor as credited as “Not Hal” on IMDB, which is very funny. Not Hal is like, “I’m not the guy, I’m not Hal,” and Daddy goes, “you are tonight.” Not Hal is like, “why me?” And Daddy is like “because you can’t be linked to me!!” Moose is there too, and… guys… it’s terrible. Daddy puts on the classical music, and we hear Not Hal screaming and Moose snarling and it’s… so much.